Free Will

Baca update nya blog Mbak Nina, seseorang yang tidak pernah ketemu langsung selain via blog nya. Sama-sama isteri aparat. Sama-sama seneng nulis (pinteran dia kemana-mana nulisnya). Sama-sama mellow.
Her two or three latest writings are about marriage thing. Thing that I dont know I'm happy about it or not. Thing that I sometime want to leave behind but at the same time, I can't imagine what would I be without.
But I do belive, marriage is a very personal things as it is with religion.
Mbak Nina say something about kerjasama in marriage. How maturity is important. Other blogs talks about love and being loved. Most of women probably look for happiness and not less of them see marriage is ibadah. Whatever it is, when woman decide to marry, she decided to start something. Nomatter what the reason is. They already start it.
As when you put in your car key in to the valve, you start you car engine and drive it. For shopping, for work, for home. You will not stop until you get to the place you want to reach in the beginning. Those who lucky no need to trapped in traffic jam. Some are trapped. Another have to stopover at ATM as planned. Little of them stop due to unplanned causes and decided to change direction.
In my opinion, the most similar case to marriage is people who drive with no direction. In comfort zone, she will keep going. When she feel enough, she may stop and go back home. When she think of somewhere else to attend, in the middle of driving time, she change direction and go there. But after change direction and got trapped in jam, she go back home or go somewhere else; or just add more driving time through another way.
Because the greatest gift live give us is SURPISE. Traffic is surprise. People change is surprise. Fall in love is surprise. They are no immortality. Nothing last forever. Start time will end on Finish time. Sang Prima Causa is the only immortality.
I sometime think it is not fair when we insist living in a marriage life due to Prima Causa. As it is not fair when couple insist to have their marriage on behalf of kids.
Kesannya, kita tidak punya free will. Padahal respon kita terhadap SURPRISE dalam hidup adalah berdasar pada free will kita. Free will adalah gift terbesar dari Tuhan, Sang Prima Causa, untuk kita. Free to choose. Free to start. Free to finish. We have no respect to God if we have no respect on our free will.
Mungkin terdengar sarkastik, negatif, sekuler. Tapi please be remind. Free will comes from our conscious. Pure heart. And pure heart will never lead us to evil. We may read Holy book, manual book, listen to ustadz but pure heart that lead us to choose whether we accept, believe and implement the information we got from those sources. Pure heart that made us go take wudhu and shalat. That is why Qur'an is very beautiful for it always make our heart be pure. Clean.
So, anyone ask me why do you want to marry? I'll say because of my free will. Why do you want to continue? My free will. Why do you want to stop? My free will. It's not because of other thing. Other thing may affect my free will. But My Free Will that lead my way. Eventually, God will take part on deciding whether Our Free Will happen or not. "kun fayaqun".

Faizi Ceriwis

Faizi makin ceriwis. Perkembangan verbal nya luar biasa sekali. Diajak ngobrol nya tambah nyambung. Mulai mau ngobrol sama ibu-ibu tetangga. Faizi dari mana? "Jayan (giant)" ngapain? "aen bola (maen bola timezone)"terus beli apa?"emen (permen). Padahal ngga dari mana-mana ;-)
Akting nya juga mau ngalah-ngalah in tora sudiro. Wajah bunder nya bisa dengan sangat mahir menunjukkan mode meringis menahan sakit, terus bilang "atit eyut (sakit perut)". Padahal karena makannya males.
Kalo bertanya, sangat mendalam, 5 why. Itu apa? motor. Motor siapa? om tentara. Om tentara siapa? Ibu ngga tau namanya. "Ih, tentara siapa?" Om budi (ibu ngarang ngarang aja). Terussss aja sampe puas nanyanya. Dan matanya disipit2kan seperti sedang berpikir.
Dah tau cewek cantik. tetangga depan rumah, anak kelas 1 smp, neng. Kalo neng lewat naik sepeda, faizi akan langsung teriak, "bu, tu neng tu. liat bu, tu neng". (ayahnya bangeetttss..pemuja keindahan katanya, ngeleeess)
so many things deh, cant mention one by one. Yang jelas, he's getting bigger and bigger. And the feeling of motherhood is even stronger. Improve self-confidence.
But still, my writings ideas are all disappear...fuihh...

Two Scary Things

Driving and swimming are the two scary things I'd been facing. One of them has already been hanlde. Since 2006, I've been a driver. Well, I was actually still scare to drive motorcycle, but at least "driver" has been on my competence list. Another thing, swimming, is one of my biggest scare but eager to overcome. In every school level, elementary, junior, high school, I was forced to swim due to the requirement of school subject. Dont get me wrong, I was always feel enthusiast everytime my teacher plan to get my classmates for swimming time. But eversince, the water are in front of me, I got freeze. In to the water, I got panic. I dont stop, though. Again, I tried to overcome the fright. But it won't go.
Yesterday, Ayah, for the very first time after three years living together, had the chance to be my private swim coach. And it was amazing, for the very first time too, I feel I can get rid the panic and open my eyes under the water. Try to pull my self and to be calm. It work. I got float and move forward by swingin my feet and hands. I can't wat for another swim time. And read this Ayah sms this afternoon "Luruskan kedua lengan di keatas, letakkan wajah diantara dua lengan, ambil nafas panjang lalu tahan. Selanjutnya meluncur secara perlahan," in the middle of meeting, I can feel my body floating above the water...Thanks, Coach Ayah

Pindahan yo Pindahan

Liburan panjang minggu lalu, akhirnya gw berkesempatan nengokin bapak di rumah barunya, setelah tiga minggu dia tinggal di situ. Rumahnya kecil tapi lumayan, satu kamar utama dan kamar mandi di bawah lengkap dengan ruang tamu dan ruang keluarga. Dua kamar, dapur dan ruang makan di lantai dua nya. Beberapa tempat memang harus dibenerin, di cat terutama. But overall, i was satisfied. Dan yang membuat makin nyaman adalah karena di lingkungan perumahan ini ada danau tempat nongkrong. Dengan jembatannya, faizi jadi seneng main ke situ. Tempat makan banyak. Ramai pula, terutama di weekend.
Sempet juga ketemua Betty, Yusyi, Lusi, Erlina, Arin, Budhi, Adi, Arif dan Jali. Panitia reunian SMPN 4 angk 94. Seru..seru.
Meskipun harus pulang dengan Faizi yang batuk batuk dan mata gw yang sembab, last weekend was fun.
So, My waiting times end. Setelah perasaan bete berkepanjangan ngga ketemu temen2 SMPN, akhirnya foto bareng juga ma panitia nya. Setelah lama proses menjual rumah, mencari rumah, bapak akhirnya dapat tempat yang nyaman. Setelah hembusan angin the shape yang hanya sisa pun masih harus dibagi, mungkin juga harus bener2 "pindahan".