Free Will

Baca update nya blog Mbak Nina, seseorang yang tidak pernah ketemu langsung selain via blog nya. Sama-sama isteri aparat. Sama-sama seneng nulis (pinteran dia kemana-mana nulisnya). Sama-sama mellow.
Her two or three latest writings are about marriage thing. Thing that I dont know I'm happy about it or not. Thing that I sometime want to leave behind but at the same time, I can't imagine what would I be without.
But I do belive, marriage is a very personal things as it is with religion.
Mbak Nina say something about kerjasama in marriage. How maturity is important. Other blogs talks about love and being loved. Most of women probably look for happiness and not less of them see marriage is ibadah. Whatever it is, when woman decide to marry, she decided to start something. Nomatter what the reason is. They already start it.
As when you put in your car key in to the valve, you start you car engine and drive it. For shopping, for work, for home. You will not stop until you get to the place you want to reach in the beginning. Those who lucky no need to trapped in traffic jam. Some are trapped. Another have to stopover at ATM as planned. Little of them stop due to unplanned causes and decided to change direction.
In my opinion, the most similar case to marriage is people who drive with no direction. In comfort zone, she will keep going. When she feel enough, she may stop and go back home. When she think of somewhere else to attend, in the middle of driving time, she change direction and go there. But after change direction and got trapped in jam, she go back home or go somewhere else; or just add more driving time through another way.
Because the greatest gift live give us is SURPISE. Traffic is surprise. People change is surprise. Fall in love is surprise. They are no immortality. Nothing last forever. Start time will end on Finish time. Sang Prima Causa is the only immortality.
I sometime think it is not fair when we insist living in a marriage life due to Prima Causa. As it is not fair when couple insist to have their marriage on behalf of kids.
Kesannya, kita tidak punya free will. Padahal respon kita terhadap SURPRISE dalam hidup adalah berdasar pada free will kita. Free will adalah gift terbesar dari Tuhan, Sang Prima Causa, untuk kita. Free to choose. Free to start. Free to finish. We have no respect to God if we have no respect on our free will.
Mungkin terdengar sarkastik, negatif, sekuler. Tapi please be remind. Free will comes from our conscious. Pure heart. And pure heart will never lead us to evil. We may read Holy book, manual book, listen to ustadz but pure heart that lead us to choose whether we accept, believe and implement the information we got from those sources. Pure heart that made us go take wudhu and shalat. That is why Qur'an is very beautiful for it always make our heart be pure. Clean.
So, anyone ask me why do you want to marry? I'll say because of my free will. Why do you want to continue? My free will. Why do you want to stop? My free will. It's not because of other thing. Other thing may affect my free will. But My Free Will that lead my way. Eventually, God will take part on deciding whether Our Free Will happen or not. "kun fayaqun".