Faizi lagi flu sekarang, hidungnya meler, suhu badan anget, ngga mau makan, susah tidur, rewel pula. Gejalanya udah keliatan dari minggu tanggal 24 Juni lalu waktu kami bertiga plus bs jalan jalan ke jatiluhur. Tumben banget, izi susah makannya. Kemudian berlanjut sampai kemarin sore, dibarengi suhu tubuh naik dan muntah malamnya. Karena sepertinya dia terganggu dengan nafas yang kurang lancar karena ingusan, saya berikan dia Alco, 0,6 ml sebelum tidur tadi malam dan sesudah makan pagi hari ini ditambah dengan tempra. Sebetulnya panas nya di angka 35, 3 dan menurut ilmu yang saya dapat dari SEHAT, belum perlu dikasih parasetamol. Tapi ayahnya ngga tega karena ngeliat izi yang rewel dan ngga bisa pergi kantor dengan tenang, jadilah tempra diberikan, 1,2 ml. Rencananya, sore ini saya akan bawa ke THT karena gejala gejalanya sih sesuai dengan kemungkinan terpaan infeksi telinga.
Jadi tiba-tiba mengingat-ingat, sudah berapa kali ya saya bawa faizi ke dokter selama satu tahun kehidupan pertamanya. Kalau untuk imunisasi sih ngga dihitung lah ya. Sekali sekitar umur 4 bulan an karena mencret, sekali karena sakit mata umur 9 bulanan, sekali ke dokter kulit karena biang keringat, dirawat inap selama tiga hari karena ISPA umur satu tahun, sekali karena sariawan. Wah, sering juga saya ke dokter. Tapi sejak saya kenalan sama SEHAT baru sekali ini aja saya akan ke dokter.
Setiap kali ada gejala izy sakit, pasti seharian saya di kantor akan browsing-browsing informasi mengenai sakitnya izzi. Saya bersyukur banget dengan adanya internet karenanya. Saya bisa lebih rasional dalam mengambil tindakan dari mulai tidak terburu-buru membawanya ke dokter, kapan harus ngga ngantor kapan bisa ngantor saat izi keliatan sakit, antisipasi apa yang bisa dilakukan, dll, dll. Thanks again, internet
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Jealousy Kills
Jeaoulsy has always been the most destructive emotions in July, a wife, life. And even She's fully realizing that, it's never been easy to minimize it. She's having this husband who has gave his understanding of her jealousy. Always try to minimize things that he knows will make her jealous, even if there are so much things he can't avoid. But July know he is trying to save her feelings, respect her traits and take her for who She is.
Few times ago, Lucky, the husband, has decided to cut the communication with his old friend, a woman surely, because he knows that was bothering July. Recently, he was rejecting another old friend who request him to visit her house, for the same reason. July know it killing him, but Lucky knows that it will kills her more because he is a stronger who can survive from the killing while She is not. Commitment, in any condition, always comes with consequences. Luckye has choose July over his friends, not actually loosing them cause the fact, July know deep down, her husband still care for those two old friends and all the friends he has. But when the condition lead him to choose, he choose family. It's a simple things that an average loving man will do. July just do not understand if his husband friends can't take it. Friends should have more understanding rather spouse,right? Not to mention they are also having husbands and surely will not accept if the husbands meet opposite old friends, alone, rather spend time with family. Because July does, somehow, can be more tolerant, more understanding, and more more more to her friends rather to her husband. People never know how busy Lucky is, how tired he is, how he wanted to be good father, husband, son, friend and so many roles in life he has. July thought: We're not in the time that we share personal problems like in college time, spend times in pub with no gain, chit chat spending money for phone bill, judging that they are wrong or right if they did not ask for advice, IT IS NOT. It's the time that we support our friends life with all his choices, and have success in his life and family. It is the time that we have to have big heart to loose our friends with happy cause they are married. Marriage that always have commitment along the consequences entering in our life. The fact to accept is that our married friend has chose someone to be his or her partner to spend life with and to love which will not be always fit us. Its' Lucky decision that he has chose her, the jealousy woman, to spend life with. He did not bother, than why do his friends do? Is that really friend, making her husband feel dilemma, confuse, mad, pity him having a wife like her? She thought: I'm pity you my love, but I'm sure you still have other many friends that really friends and care you in a very right way. I was so damn lucky having so beautiful personality friends. They are now mostly have married. I'm sad that I lost the beautiful moments with them, but this is life. We loose it but we have bigger happiness with our new family. It's not necessarily I show that I care with sms or call them. Letting them go is more than enough to show it. Respect their choice, talking laughing in a special occasion, like marriage or other is just great enough. Keep them in our heart and memory and remember that they are not single anymore that we have to also respect the spouse will make us the best friends. And that kind of friends I have, thank you, God.
Now, my dear, July said to his loveing Lucky, thank you again for your great satisfaction for me. I am sure time will make your friends realize that it's their lost to loose you, since no one can be good friend like you do. And if you're lucky, they will come to us and think nothing is happen and make friend again.
I just love you even more after yesterday. I wish the stronger the wind blows the stronger our tree of love will stand still. July and Lucky stories.
Few times ago, Lucky, the husband, has decided to cut the communication with his old friend, a woman surely, because he knows that was bothering July. Recently, he was rejecting another old friend who request him to visit her house, for the same reason. July know it killing him, but Lucky knows that it will kills her more because he is a stronger who can survive from the killing while She is not. Commitment, in any condition, always comes with consequences. Luckye has choose July over his friends, not actually loosing them cause the fact, July know deep down, her husband still care for those two old friends and all the friends he has. But when the condition lead him to choose, he choose family. It's a simple things that an average loving man will do. July just do not understand if his husband friends can't take it. Friends should have more understanding rather spouse,right? Not to mention they are also having husbands and surely will not accept if the husbands meet opposite old friends, alone, rather spend time with family. Because July does, somehow, can be more tolerant, more understanding, and more more more to her friends rather to her husband. People never know how busy Lucky is, how tired he is, how he wanted to be good father, husband, son, friend and so many roles in life he has. July thought: We're not in the time that we share personal problems like in college time, spend times in pub with no gain, chit chat spending money for phone bill, judging that they are wrong or right if they did not ask for advice, IT IS NOT. It's the time that we support our friends life with all his choices, and have success in his life and family. It is the time that we have to have big heart to loose our friends with happy cause they are married. Marriage that always have commitment along the consequences entering in our life. The fact to accept is that our married friend has chose someone to be his or her partner to spend life with and to love which will not be always fit us. Its' Lucky decision that he has chose her, the jealousy woman, to spend life with. He did not bother, than why do his friends do? Is that really friend, making her husband feel dilemma, confuse, mad, pity him having a wife like her? She thought: I'm pity you my love, but I'm sure you still have other many friends that really friends and care you in a very right way. I was so damn lucky having so beautiful personality friends. They are now mostly have married. I'm sad that I lost the beautiful moments with them, but this is life. We loose it but we have bigger happiness with our new family. It's not necessarily I show that I care with sms or call them. Letting them go is more than enough to show it. Respect their choice, talking laughing in a special occasion, like marriage or other is just great enough. Keep them in our heart and memory and remember that they are not single anymore that we have to also respect the spouse will make us the best friends. And that kind of friends I have, thank you, God.
Now, my dear, July said to his loveing Lucky, thank you again for your great satisfaction for me. I am sure time will make your friends realize that it's their lost to loose you, since no one can be good friend like you do. And if you're lucky, they will come to us and think nothing is happen and make friend again.
I just love you even more after yesterday. I wish the stronger the wind blows the stronger our tree of love will stand still. July and Lucky stories.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Riska Menikah
Riska Fiati is one of bestfriends of mine. She's been my friend since junior, high school, universitiy, and even we used to work at the same organization. She is the kind of girl, woman, actually, who has also achieved good things in life. Jalannya lurus, meski kiri kanannya, termasuk saya, sering belok-belok, dan meskipun begitu, kita bisa selalu side by side in principal. Smart is not to be doubt again. Beautiful in her scarf. Always be a nice partner, in every condition.
Have a nice marriage, my dear...now, we can share even much more stories...
Ini undangannya dan peta lokasi
Have a nice marriage, my dear...now, we can share even much more stories...
Ini undangannya dan peta lokasi
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Pendidikan anakku dan berhenti ngedot
Kali ini tentang pendidikan untuk faizi dan masalah berhenti ngedot. Setelah masalah kehilangan asisten sudah terselesaikan, my mind is now fulfilled with these two problems, i won't say them as problems, issues are better. Bahas sedikit tentang asisten rumah yang baru, anak umur 15 tahun nih. Saya jadinya seperti melanggar aturan yang saya buat sendiri, i do not like seeing children under age 17 working, its' just not fair for them. Tapi what can I do, now. Saat pertama dia datang ke rumah, she doesn't look like a 15 year old girl. She just did everything without any pre-information from me. Well, they all are like that. They who had been such a hard worker will look older than they should. Saya saat ini mencoba mencari pembenaran dengan berpikir bahwa, she has no choices since she needs this job to assist his family life, I have also no choices. It will probably better for her to work this way rather than work in unsave condition or not working at all and let her little brothers and sisters, she has 4 of them, can't go to school. For me, it's clearly good, no need further explanation. Ok, enough about this, let's go back to the main topic.
Berhenti ngedot
I just read lots of Smart parents statement on the sehatgroup relating with this. Intinya, mereka berpendapat bahwa anak di atas satu tahun sebaiknya sudah berhenti minum susu dengan dot, alasan terkuat dari banyak alasan karena bisa mengganggu kualitas gigi dan menyebabkan karies, apalagi kalau dilakukan sebelum tidur. Belum lagi masalah membersihkan gigi sesudah minum susu yang juga sama sama mengakibatkan karies. Saat ini faizi minum dengan botol kesayangannya dan minum susu sebelum tidur adalah keharusan. I have to think some ways to start to make him bye bye the bottle. Mungkin diawali dengan minum dari sedotan, kebetulan dia minum susu UHT sekarang (see bye bye formula welcome UHT) dan juga sudah bisa menyedot. Tapi kemungkinan besar 50 persennya membasahi baju jadi musti dibantu dengan sendokan dari gelas. Sementara kebiasaan ngedot menjelang tidur pasti akan lebih rumit dari ini, but i have to be confident that this is do-able. Semua SP di milis sehat itu memang menyatakan bukan proses mudah untuk menyetop kebiasaan ini, sebagaimana semua kebiasaan memang bukanlah hal yang mudah untuk di stop. It need times, patience and love. Let us just give a try ya de izi...
Second of all, Pendidikan untuk faizi.
No, i am not talking about me having intention to get him a one year old baby education. Saya membaca artikel tentang bagaimana tren yang sedang berkembang sekarang, anak-anak karbitan, menjamur di hampir semua belahan dunia. Temans mungkin bisa search di google, try "anak-anak karbitan", pasti akan muncul satu artikel dari Ibu Dewi Utama Faizah, seorang karyawan Depdiknas looh, yang cenderung mengkritisi tren tersebut. Kalau saja Ibu Dewi ini adalah seseorang yang punya kekuasaan cukup besar di lingkungan pendidikan indonesia, let's say a minister (hhmm... sounds great, a woman education minister) yang mendapat dukungan instansi terkait (nah ini yang lebih susah lagi) pasti akan ada reformasi pada sistem pendidikan di indonesia tercinta ini. Sistem yang kalau masuk sd harus bisa baca, smp dan sma yang cenderung membosankan dan perguruan tinggi yang kurang professional oriented. Sistem yang hanya berorientasi high captive market, sekolah mahal=sekolah bagus, etc,etc. Saya pernah jadi bagian dari sistem ini, bahkan saya sekarang tidak mungkin ada tanpa melalui proses yang diciptakan sistem pendidikan di indonesia. Saya termasuk orang yang telah menikmati hasil dari sistem pendidikan indonesia yang saya kritik di atas. Tapi saya ingin sistem yang jauh lebih baik untuk anak saya. I want the best for him, if it;s not for me. Mungkin ini yang dibilang, psikologis seorang ibu. Kalau kakinya yang diinjak, mau gimana lagi, udah diinjak kok, tpai kalau anaknya yang diinjak, dia akan lebih sakit daripada si anak. So, jadilah saya sekarang tiba tiba aja berlaga jadi pengkritisi sistem pendidikan. You know, when you're getting older, something is changing in you mind. You can see things clearly, in bigger mode, and you just can feel that something is right or wrong. Esepcially being a mother, you'll be a greatest critical person ever. Ini yang melead saya ke pertanyaan: "dimana saya akan mempercayakan faizi untuk bersekolah?". Ini kemudian harus saya cari jawabannya dengan menelusuri pertanyaan-pertanyaan terkait yang secara simultan memunculkan pertanyaan ini. apa yang saya harapkan dari seorang anak, apakah salah kalau orang tua mengharapkan seorang anak untuk menjadi sesuatu seperti yang diinginkannya, simultan-simultan apa yang harus saya berikan agar dia dapat tumbuh kembang dengan baik, anak yang baik itu yang seperti apa sih?
Well, this is hard. Tentu saja saya ingin faizi jadi anak yang baik. Baik means, he can have such personality traits that one must have to be condemned as a good person. Saya di lain sisi juga tidak akan memaksakan kehendak kepada faizi, tapi faizi punya kehendaknya sendiri saat dia sudah dewasa sehingga kemungkinan besar kehendaknya itu akan sangat tergantung dari apa yang kita stimulasikan ke faizi saat dia masih belum punya kehendak. Circular problems...Ini artinya lagi, akan sangat tergantung kepada saya dan suami untuk membentuknya. Tapi kita juga tidak boleh lupa terhadap takdir Allah S.W.T kepada faizi. Balance, this is the keyword, i guess. DI sini letak tantangannya, bagaimana saya bisa mengarahkan faizi dengan tidak memaksakan kehendak. Duh, gampang kalo nulis, tapi pasti susah aplikasinya. I guess, dalam konteks implementasinya, saya akan menstimulasi (baca: mengarahkan)faizi untuk menjadi anak yang bertanggung jawab, bisa membuat keputusan yang baik, menghargai orang lain, kepercayaan, dan kasih sayang. Dan dalam kondisi aktualnya saya harus dengan cermat melihat potensi potensi personality traits faizi yang perlu dikembangkan dan potensi yang harus diminimalisir. Mudah-mudahan dengan cara ini kemudian, saat dia masuk sekolah nanti, sejenis mahluk apapun kurikulumnya, bad or good or average, faizi akan menjalaninya dengan traits yang sudah dia miliki sebelumnya. Dan sistem pengontrolan dari saya juga harus tetap dijaga dengan selalu menjadi bestfriend nya faizi dimana dengan save dia bisa share apapun sehingga saya bisa selalu tau whether he is ok or not. If he is ok, than it's good. If he is not ok, i will be there for him if he need me and i will be watching over him if he can fix it by himself. SIlahkan wahai para pendidik bangsa melakukan apapun yang kalian suka terhadap faizi nantinya, tapi faizi akan tetap menjadi bagian dari diri saya dan saya akan fight with and for him if you guys do wrong. Dan please deh para pendidik bangsa, bantu kami para orang tua untuk bisa mendidik mereka menjadi anak anak yang terasah potensinya, kemampuan otak yang seiring dengan dengan kemampuan "hati" nya. I still have faith on you guys karena saya juga pernah punya guru-guru hebat di masa saya, guru-guru yang selalu tinggal di hati saya meskipun sudah belasan tahun yang lalu bahkan sampai saya tua nanti. I guess kalian semua juga lebih memilih menjadi orang yang selalu dikenang oleh murid-murid kalian yang akan jadi orang hebat nantinya, daripada dikenang oleh murid-murid yang kehilangan masa depan karena kalian kan?
See, how i have become critical?
Berhenti ngedot
I just read lots of Smart parents statement on the sehatgroup relating with this. Intinya, mereka berpendapat bahwa anak di atas satu tahun sebaiknya sudah berhenti minum susu dengan dot, alasan terkuat dari banyak alasan karena bisa mengganggu kualitas gigi dan menyebabkan karies, apalagi kalau dilakukan sebelum tidur. Belum lagi masalah membersihkan gigi sesudah minum susu yang juga sama sama mengakibatkan karies. Saat ini faizi minum dengan botol kesayangannya dan minum susu sebelum tidur adalah keharusan. I have to think some ways to start to make him bye bye the bottle. Mungkin diawali dengan minum dari sedotan, kebetulan dia minum susu UHT sekarang (see bye bye formula welcome UHT) dan juga sudah bisa menyedot. Tapi kemungkinan besar 50 persennya membasahi baju jadi musti dibantu dengan sendokan dari gelas. Sementara kebiasaan ngedot menjelang tidur pasti akan lebih rumit dari ini, but i have to be confident that this is do-able. Semua SP di milis sehat itu memang menyatakan bukan proses mudah untuk menyetop kebiasaan ini, sebagaimana semua kebiasaan memang bukanlah hal yang mudah untuk di stop. It need times, patience and love. Let us just give a try ya de izi...
Second of all, Pendidikan untuk faizi.
No, i am not talking about me having intention to get him a one year old baby education. Saya membaca artikel tentang bagaimana tren yang sedang berkembang sekarang, anak-anak karbitan, menjamur di hampir semua belahan dunia. Temans mungkin bisa search di google, try "anak-anak karbitan", pasti akan muncul satu artikel dari Ibu Dewi Utama Faizah, seorang karyawan Depdiknas looh, yang cenderung mengkritisi tren tersebut. Kalau saja Ibu Dewi ini adalah seseorang yang punya kekuasaan cukup besar di lingkungan pendidikan indonesia, let's say a minister (hhmm... sounds great, a woman education minister) yang mendapat dukungan instansi terkait (nah ini yang lebih susah lagi) pasti akan ada reformasi pada sistem pendidikan di indonesia tercinta ini. Sistem yang kalau masuk sd harus bisa baca, smp dan sma yang cenderung membosankan dan perguruan tinggi yang kurang professional oriented. Sistem yang hanya berorientasi high captive market, sekolah mahal=sekolah bagus, etc,etc. Saya pernah jadi bagian dari sistem ini, bahkan saya sekarang tidak mungkin ada tanpa melalui proses yang diciptakan sistem pendidikan di indonesia. Saya termasuk orang yang telah menikmati hasil dari sistem pendidikan indonesia yang saya kritik di atas. Tapi saya ingin sistem yang jauh lebih baik untuk anak saya. I want the best for him, if it;s not for me. Mungkin ini yang dibilang, psikologis seorang ibu. Kalau kakinya yang diinjak, mau gimana lagi, udah diinjak kok, tpai kalau anaknya yang diinjak, dia akan lebih sakit daripada si anak. So, jadilah saya sekarang tiba tiba aja berlaga jadi pengkritisi sistem pendidikan. You know, when you're getting older, something is changing in you mind. You can see things clearly, in bigger mode, and you just can feel that something is right or wrong. Esepcially being a mother, you'll be a greatest critical person ever. Ini yang melead saya ke pertanyaan: "dimana saya akan mempercayakan faizi untuk bersekolah?". Ini kemudian harus saya cari jawabannya dengan menelusuri pertanyaan-pertanyaan terkait yang secara simultan memunculkan pertanyaan ini. apa yang saya harapkan dari seorang anak, apakah salah kalau orang tua mengharapkan seorang anak untuk menjadi sesuatu seperti yang diinginkannya, simultan-simultan apa yang harus saya berikan agar dia dapat tumbuh kembang dengan baik, anak yang baik itu yang seperti apa sih?
Well, this is hard. Tentu saja saya ingin faizi jadi anak yang baik. Baik means, he can have such personality traits that one must have to be condemned as a good person. Saya di lain sisi juga tidak akan memaksakan kehendak kepada faizi, tapi faizi punya kehendaknya sendiri saat dia sudah dewasa sehingga kemungkinan besar kehendaknya itu akan sangat tergantung dari apa yang kita stimulasikan ke faizi saat dia masih belum punya kehendak. Circular problems...Ini artinya lagi, akan sangat tergantung kepada saya dan suami untuk membentuknya. Tapi kita juga tidak boleh lupa terhadap takdir Allah S.W.T kepada faizi. Balance, this is the keyword, i guess. DI sini letak tantangannya, bagaimana saya bisa mengarahkan faizi dengan tidak memaksakan kehendak. Duh, gampang kalo nulis, tapi pasti susah aplikasinya. I guess, dalam konteks implementasinya, saya akan menstimulasi (baca: mengarahkan)faizi untuk menjadi anak yang bertanggung jawab, bisa membuat keputusan yang baik, menghargai orang lain, kepercayaan, dan kasih sayang. Dan dalam kondisi aktualnya saya harus dengan cermat melihat potensi potensi personality traits faizi yang perlu dikembangkan dan potensi yang harus diminimalisir. Mudah-mudahan dengan cara ini kemudian, saat dia masuk sekolah nanti, sejenis mahluk apapun kurikulumnya, bad or good or average, faizi akan menjalaninya dengan traits yang sudah dia miliki sebelumnya. Dan sistem pengontrolan dari saya juga harus tetap dijaga dengan selalu menjadi bestfriend nya faizi dimana dengan save dia bisa share apapun sehingga saya bisa selalu tau whether he is ok or not. If he is ok, than it's good. If he is not ok, i will be there for him if he need me and i will be watching over him if he can fix it by himself. SIlahkan wahai para pendidik bangsa melakukan apapun yang kalian suka terhadap faizi nantinya, tapi faizi akan tetap menjadi bagian dari diri saya dan saya akan fight with and for him if you guys do wrong. Dan please deh para pendidik bangsa, bantu kami para orang tua untuk bisa mendidik mereka menjadi anak anak yang terasah potensinya, kemampuan otak yang seiring dengan dengan kemampuan "hati" nya. I still have faith on you guys karena saya juga pernah punya guru-guru hebat di masa saya, guru-guru yang selalu tinggal di hati saya meskipun sudah belasan tahun yang lalu bahkan sampai saya tua nanti. I guess kalian semua juga lebih memilih menjadi orang yang selalu dikenang oleh murid-murid kalian yang akan jadi orang hebat nantinya, daripada dikenang oleh murid-murid yang kehilangan masa depan karena kalian kan?
See, how i have become critical?
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
You might want to read this before ties the knot with your spouse
Membaca web nya the famous prof iwan darmansjah, saya sampai di interesting link judulnya questions to be dealt with before marriage. I have actually nothing wrong with my marriage hanya sekedar deskripsi pekerjaan suami yang sebagian kecilnya mengganggu kepercayaan saya terhadapnya. Tapi, membaca artikel itu membuat saya menjadi merasa aneh, tidak yakin 100 persen lagi dengan apa yang saya jalani. Ini mungkin berlebihan, i can not change the way i feel just because a single article. Tapi kegalauan hati yang seringkali mampir di hati, sepertinya mendapat jawaban dari artikel ini. You know, i frequently feel that something is just not right in my house, but what???....antara takut mencari jawabannya dan tidak tahu kepada siapa harus curhat....perasaan yang sangat halus yang baru saat ini saya ungkapkan dalam tulisan, perasaan yang bahkan baru berani saya akui saat ini..(tears falling down, now)....am i happy??? i always say yes to everybody. but am i really really happy here deep down in bottom of my heart? i...i...i do not know....shit, what is happening to me now...
R E A D T H I S
Finding the right partner for marriage
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their ap-proach to finding Mr/Ms Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We are in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not political-ly correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION # 1: Do we share a common life purpose?
I can say no. Husband and I never want complicated life but I was more driven by heart, while brain and money fulfilling his head.
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog togeth-er? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life – bot-tom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION # 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
NEVER. I will always have to be careful talking with him. I can not express my jealousy, my anger, my dissapointment to him. I will have to be a nice woman.
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can commu-nicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION # 3: Is he/she a mensch?
Absolutely no. He already comfort with the way he is now, no matter what people think.
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some sugges-tions.
1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
2. Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So, ask about your significant other:“What do they do with their time? Is this person ma-terialistic?" Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION # 4: How does he/she treat other people?
He never like giving. Enjoy for me is enjoy in his definition. He never really care of my personal needs.
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the fol-lowing:
1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi dri-vers, etc?
2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you, who can't do nearly as much for them!
4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION # 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Not really. Well, I expecting him to be smarter, more trust.
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it:"You can probably expect someone to chan-ge after marriage...for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Fall-ing in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
How will I know if I've met the person I should marry?
The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married". Feel-ings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain. Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children.You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.
1. Will this person be a good partner?
Average
Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?
2. Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and conse-quently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children. If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to cor-rect or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.
Not quite sure
3. Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes. Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are 35" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those que-stions for your children?
YES
4. Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel. There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at 18, it won't be different at 40. Do you want to worry about whether or not your spouse is being faithful? These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person. None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to say:’Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you, I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be hap-py and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person is a good choice. Don't listen to your heart alone nor to your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree. And mine are just always dusagree one another.
No answer
R E A D T H I S
Finding the right partner for marriage
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their ap-proach to finding Mr/Ms Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We are in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not political-ly correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION # 1: Do we share a common life purpose?
I can say no. Husband and I never want complicated life but I was more driven by heart, while brain and money fulfilling his head.
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog togeth-er? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life – bot-tom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION # 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
NEVER. I will always have to be careful talking with him. I can not express my jealousy, my anger, my dissapointment to him. I will have to be a nice woman.
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can commu-nicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION # 3: Is he/she a mensch?
Absolutely no. He already comfort with the way he is now, no matter what people think.
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some sugges-tions.
1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
2. Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So, ask about your significant other:“What do they do with their time? Is this person ma-terialistic?" Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION # 4: How does he/she treat other people?
He never like giving. Enjoy for me is enjoy in his definition. He never really care of my personal needs.
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the fol-lowing:
1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi dri-vers, etc?
2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you, who can't do nearly as much for them!
4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION # 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Not really. Well, I expecting him to be smarter, more trust.
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it:"You can probably expect someone to chan-ge after marriage...for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Fall-ing in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
How will I know if I've met the person I should marry?
The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married". Feel-ings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain. Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children.You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.
1. Will this person be a good partner?
Average
Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?
2. Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and conse-quently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children. If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to cor-rect or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.
Not quite sure
3. Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes. Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are 35" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those que-stions for your children?
YES
4. Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel. There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at 18, it won't be different at 40. Do you want to worry about whether or not your spouse is being faithful? These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person. None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to say:’Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you, I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be hap-py and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person is a good choice. Don't listen to your heart alone nor to your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree. And mine are just always dusagree one another.
No answer
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Kehilangan asisten rumah nih
Lagi-lagi...saya kehilangan asisten rumah yang lebih dikenal orang dengan sebutan "pembantu". I never like using the word of pembantu. Meskipun dari makna denotatif, tidak ada penekanan yang sifatnya merendahkan kata itu. Tapi secara konotatif, sepertinya pembantu adalah pekerjaan rendahan. Bagaimana tidak, seorang pembantu punya job description yang tidak jelas dengan waktu kerja tidak jelas pula namun gajinya jelas jelas rendah. Sebegitu ngga jelas job des nya, sampai sampai orang yang mempekerjakan seorang pembantu, what so called majikan (i hate this word too), bisa menambahkan job des sebagai "alat latihan kekerasan" pada si pembantu. Sering denger kan pembantu yang dihajar majikannya? Ngga jarang pula diantara mereka yang mempertaruhkan nyawa.
Meskipun di awal tulisan ini saya terdengar seperti seorang aktivis HAM, saya tidak memungkiri kalau saya juga punya "pembantu", mulai dari sini kita ganti kata pembantu dengan "asisten rumah" aja ya. Asisten pertama saya ada pada saat kandungan saya umur tujuh bulan. Pertama ini dihitung mulai saya menikah. Rencananya, kami, saya dan suami bermaksud untuk mengajarkan dia banyak hal terutama yang terkait dengan pola pengasuhan bayi. Kami mau dia sudah menjadi bagian dari keluarga kita sebelum bayi kami datang. Sebut saja namanya Juliet...ciee...lebih keren dari nama gw kan.
She seem a very sweet person in the early time she worked for us. Kerjanya tanggap. Pagi-pagi jam 5 udah bangun, padahal ngga pernah kita minta. Nyuci, nyapu, ngepel rumah, nyapu halaman, cuci piring, masak...great banget deh. Masakannya enak pula. I just cant stop adore her along with my husband. Masa masa kandungan tua gw yang cukup "bermasalah", keluar masuk rumah sakit, bulak balik purwakarta bogor, dia dengan setia menemani. Saat suami gw dinas dan gw di rumah sakit pun, dia yang menginap menemani gw. KEgemilangannya juga berlanjut, ya ampun jadi kaya cerita sejarah hidup selebriti aja, ketika gw melahirkan dan tidak sedikitpun ada keraguan yang tampak saat mengurus bayiku. Mendampingi saya saat saya begitu ketakutannya meninggalkan dia untuk bekerja sementara dia tidak mau susu formula (saat itu saya belum dapat pencerahan sehingga masih percaya bahwa susu formula is just as great as asi, fool me!!). Sampai akhirnya kami berdua, juliet dan saya loh, bukan saya dan suami, berhasil membuat anak saya mau minum formula (I never end my sorry for this) dan saya pergi kerja dengan tenang.
Time flews and faizi has become a bigger, proactive baby and expressive one. Then something start to shows the other side of Juliet. Neighbours said that she has big mouth which can be danger for me since I live in a sorroundings where ethic is number one. Kebiasaannya yang mau menguasai tivi bahkan saat suami dan saya ada di rumah (we only have one), terlalu mengatur operasional rumah, etc, etc. I start to complaining about her to hubby. But man just the most unsensitive creatures in the world and he didnt give a damn concern about this stuffs. Until the day in february month of 2007 when my parents in law visiting us and stay for a whole week. HUbby was like stoned hearing news flash from his parents about juliet. Stories how juliet force faizi to eat in harrash way, bathing him in the same way, and how calm faizi was staying close to his grandparents. I just cant stop my tears falling down my cheek. This was not juliet false, it's mine, i told my self. Maafkan ibu, nak..
Tanpa pikir panjang lagi, saya lalu cari informasi sana sini. Saya pikir lebih baik berganti ganti asisten daripada stick to one tapi membahayakan mental anak saya. Tidak lama, seorang rekan di kantor kasih informasi. Setelah proses yang sedikit panjang, kami pun akhirnya berhasil memperkerjakan karsih, this is her real name. Dan Juliet pun mengundurkan diri tanpa harus pusing-pusing saya cari cari alasan memecat dia. God has been giving love to me...
Dengan bekal pengalaman pahit bersama juliet, saya pun menjadi lebih tegas dari awal. Saya katakan apa yang saya tidak suka dan apa yang saya harapkan dari seorang asisten rumah kepada karsih. She seems to understand even she's never work as assistance before. Hari ke hari saya ajarkan dia detail-detail pekerjaan rumah, tidak hanya garis besarnya saja seperti yang saya lakukan pada juliet. Saya perhatikan cara kerja dia dan saya ingatkan kalau dia salah. Never did this to juliet, I just gave the full trust to her. Saya minta dia bangun jam lima. Mulai dengan merendam baju, menyapu dan membereskan seisi rumah, memasak nasi, mencuci baju faizi dengan tangan sambil memutar mesin cuci untuk baju kami, dan mencuci piring. Jam 7 dia sudah bereskan semua dan saya pun sudah selesai masak untuk faizi. Karsih ambil faizi yang selama karsih dan saya sibuk ikutan sibuk duduk duduk di dapur, kasih makan, dan langsung bobo pagi. Jam delapan kurang saya berangkat, karsih mengepel lantai dan menjemur pakaian. Sore saya pulang, faizi saya ajak main sebentar, saya mandi, shalat, makan lalu main lagi dengan dia. Karsih sudah bisa beristirahat sambil nonton tivi dan tidur jam 8. Itu kira kira gambaran umum pekerjaan karsih.
Kalau dihitung-hitung dia bekerja sejak jam 5 sampai jam 6 sore. 12 jam. Bayarannya agak sedikit di atas rata-rata bayaran seorang asisten rumah di daerah saya. Siang hari, hampir setiap hari, faizi tidur siang, cukup lama, bisa dua sampai tiga jam, dan bisa dua kali. Karsih ikut beristirahat. Sabtu pagi dia akan pulang ke rumahnya dan kembali ke rumah saya di senin subuh. Sehingga hari kerjanya adalah 5 hari kerja. Like normal worker. Saya ingin membuat dia nyaman sebagaimana saya juga ingin nyaman dengan pekerjannya. Dan memang itu yang saya dapatkan. Karsih begitu manyayangi anak saya. Semua orang bilang begitu. karsih memang seorang gadis polos berumur 24 tahun beranak dua yang penyayang. kami pun menjadi sangat menyayanginya. Sayangnya....kami harus kehilangan dia sekarang.
Dimana lagi saya harus cari asisten sebaik karsih dan tidak seperti juliet...I will not let myself make the same mistake by choosing the wrong person for assistance.
Meskipun di awal tulisan ini saya terdengar seperti seorang aktivis HAM, saya tidak memungkiri kalau saya juga punya "pembantu", mulai dari sini kita ganti kata pembantu dengan "asisten rumah" aja ya. Asisten pertama saya ada pada saat kandungan saya umur tujuh bulan. Pertama ini dihitung mulai saya menikah. Rencananya, kami, saya dan suami bermaksud untuk mengajarkan dia banyak hal terutama yang terkait dengan pola pengasuhan bayi. Kami mau dia sudah menjadi bagian dari keluarga kita sebelum bayi kami datang. Sebut saja namanya Juliet...ciee...lebih keren dari nama gw kan.
She seem a very sweet person in the early time she worked for us. Kerjanya tanggap. Pagi-pagi jam 5 udah bangun, padahal ngga pernah kita minta. Nyuci, nyapu, ngepel rumah, nyapu halaman, cuci piring, masak...great banget deh. Masakannya enak pula. I just cant stop adore her along with my husband. Masa masa kandungan tua gw yang cukup "bermasalah", keluar masuk rumah sakit, bulak balik purwakarta bogor, dia dengan setia menemani. Saat suami gw dinas dan gw di rumah sakit pun, dia yang menginap menemani gw. KEgemilangannya juga berlanjut, ya ampun jadi kaya cerita sejarah hidup selebriti aja, ketika gw melahirkan dan tidak sedikitpun ada keraguan yang tampak saat mengurus bayiku. Mendampingi saya saat saya begitu ketakutannya meninggalkan dia untuk bekerja sementara dia tidak mau susu formula (saat itu saya belum dapat pencerahan sehingga masih percaya bahwa susu formula is just as great as asi, fool me!!). Sampai akhirnya kami berdua, juliet dan saya loh, bukan saya dan suami, berhasil membuat anak saya mau minum formula (I never end my sorry for this) dan saya pergi kerja dengan tenang.
Time flews and faizi has become a bigger, proactive baby and expressive one. Then something start to shows the other side of Juliet. Neighbours said that she has big mouth which can be danger for me since I live in a sorroundings where ethic is number one. Kebiasaannya yang mau menguasai tivi bahkan saat suami dan saya ada di rumah (we only have one), terlalu mengatur operasional rumah, etc, etc. I start to complaining about her to hubby. But man just the most unsensitive creatures in the world and he didnt give a damn concern about this stuffs. Until the day in february month of 2007 when my parents in law visiting us and stay for a whole week. HUbby was like stoned hearing news flash from his parents about juliet. Stories how juliet force faizi to eat in harrash way, bathing him in the same way, and how calm faizi was staying close to his grandparents. I just cant stop my tears falling down my cheek. This was not juliet false, it's mine, i told my self. Maafkan ibu, nak..
Tanpa pikir panjang lagi, saya lalu cari informasi sana sini. Saya pikir lebih baik berganti ganti asisten daripada stick to one tapi membahayakan mental anak saya. Tidak lama, seorang rekan di kantor kasih informasi. Setelah proses yang sedikit panjang, kami pun akhirnya berhasil memperkerjakan karsih, this is her real name. Dan Juliet pun mengundurkan diri tanpa harus pusing-pusing saya cari cari alasan memecat dia. God has been giving love to me...
Dengan bekal pengalaman pahit bersama juliet, saya pun menjadi lebih tegas dari awal. Saya katakan apa yang saya tidak suka dan apa yang saya harapkan dari seorang asisten rumah kepada karsih. She seems to understand even she's never work as assistance before. Hari ke hari saya ajarkan dia detail-detail pekerjaan rumah, tidak hanya garis besarnya saja seperti yang saya lakukan pada juliet. Saya perhatikan cara kerja dia dan saya ingatkan kalau dia salah. Never did this to juliet, I just gave the full trust to her. Saya minta dia bangun jam lima. Mulai dengan merendam baju, menyapu dan membereskan seisi rumah, memasak nasi, mencuci baju faizi dengan tangan sambil memutar mesin cuci untuk baju kami, dan mencuci piring. Jam 7 dia sudah bereskan semua dan saya pun sudah selesai masak untuk faizi. Karsih ambil faizi yang selama karsih dan saya sibuk ikutan sibuk duduk duduk di dapur, kasih makan, dan langsung bobo pagi. Jam delapan kurang saya berangkat, karsih mengepel lantai dan menjemur pakaian. Sore saya pulang, faizi saya ajak main sebentar, saya mandi, shalat, makan lalu main lagi dengan dia. Karsih sudah bisa beristirahat sambil nonton tivi dan tidur jam 8. Itu kira kira gambaran umum pekerjaan karsih.
Kalau dihitung-hitung dia bekerja sejak jam 5 sampai jam 6 sore. 12 jam. Bayarannya agak sedikit di atas rata-rata bayaran seorang asisten rumah di daerah saya. Siang hari, hampir setiap hari, faizi tidur siang, cukup lama, bisa dua sampai tiga jam, dan bisa dua kali. Karsih ikut beristirahat. Sabtu pagi dia akan pulang ke rumahnya dan kembali ke rumah saya di senin subuh. Sehingga hari kerjanya adalah 5 hari kerja. Like normal worker. Saya ingin membuat dia nyaman sebagaimana saya juga ingin nyaman dengan pekerjannya. Dan memang itu yang saya dapatkan. Karsih begitu manyayangi anak saya. Semua orang bilang begitu. karsih memang seorang gadis polos berumur 24 tahun beranak dua yang penyayang. kami pun menjadi sangat menyayanginya. Sayangnya....kami harus kehilangan dia sekarang.
Dimana lagi saya harus cari asisten sebaik karsih dan tidak seperti juliet...I will not let myself make the same mistake by choosing the wrong person for assistance.
What faizi can do
Seorang kawan punya anak yang seumur faizi bertanya, "anak lo udah bisa ngapain aja, bu?". Hmmm...satu pertanyaan yang seringkali diajukan kepada ibu-ibu dengan anak umuran 1 tahun. This was not the first time i got the question, and surely not the last. People who asked the question, disadari atau tidak, expected to be answered by common answer that a one year old baby usually can do, walking. Jadi biasanya sy akan langsung menjawab, "belum bisa jalan, sih" gw yang selalu tendensius dengan pertanyaan seperti itu gitu loh, "masih titah", I'm adding. Kalo suamiku ada disamping, dia biasanya kasih senyuman sambil melirik as if he said, "ih si ibu, jadi orang streng ama sih". Faizi memang belum bisa jalan di umurnya yang sudah satu tahun ini. This is no issue to me, not even a bit. Meskipun sering sy ngobrol ma faizi, "de izzy, ibu doain biar bisa cepet jalan ya" atau, "eh, izzy pinter amat sih, mau cepet jalan ya, " saat dia sedang mencoba melepaskan pegangannya dari tembok atau kursi. But, deep down, i have no hard feeling about this. Faizi is just the most beautiful gift God has gave me in my life. Change the bad of me, inspire for better me, He's just the best thing in my life. And the fact that in his one year old he cannot walking already won't change my feeling about him. Bukan berarti saya juga tidak antisipasi. Having an almost 6 years little cousins incapable of walking has bring me to look for related informations. DSA nya faizi bilang, biasanya dan kebanyakan anak bisa berjalan sendiri di umur 14 bulan. Artikel lain bilang, toleransi kemampuan anak untuk bisa berjalan adalah 24 bulan, other friend have his baby walking in his 16 months age. And what is great that an article showed that it's been researched: the longest baby learn to crawl, the higher focus he will be in adult age, tentunya dengan batasan-batasan tertentu juga dari sebuah riset dan sebuah definisi yang terlalu panjang kalo saya kutip. Faizi memang sudah mulai merangkak dari umurnya 9 bulan.
Saat itu, saya sempat berasumsi dan berharap bahwa dia akan bisa berjalan di 11 bulan. Begitu juga dengan kemampuannya duduk seimbang, sudah dia lakukan di umur 6 bulan.
Kalau saya analisa, anak saya ini rupanya ingin mahir di satu bidang dulu baru bergerak ke tahapan selanjutnya. Waktu saya ngomong begini," faizi kayanya mau jadi "profesor merangkak" baru ambil "jurusan jalan",' hubby ketawa ngakak dan menit kemudian dia bilang, " sabar ya bu, kita ngga bisa samain faizi dengan anak-anak lainnya, faizi ya faizi, anak kita,"...my beloving husband...he's just being a very tolerant person to his son, (not to me ;>)...I actually not taking this problem into account. it's not fair. I will be also objected when people justified me from only one aspects. I am fully realize that too many other things faizi can do than he can't do.
Smiling. This is the best faizi can do for me. Senyuman pertamanya saat dia baru bangun, sambil tengkurap dengan wajahnya berhadapan denganku, bersender pada bantal. Ketawanya ketika dia kegelian, saat main ciluk baa, saat lihat selebriti bayi di tivi, saat ibunya berpura mengejar ngejar motor2annya, etc, etc...the greatest heal ever...
Makan. Makannya hebat, apa aja mau. Sayur sop, lengkap dengan buncis dan wortel serta ayam. Sayur bayam, nugget, tahu, corned beef, telur rebus, makaroni, abon, bubur ayam. dll. Semua yang saya masakin untuk dia pasti dimakannya. Bahkan saat dia sakit, dokter menyetujui permohonan saya, actually disertai pemaksaan dikit sih, untuk melepaskan infusannya karena saya kasih jaminan anak saya lebih tenang dan mau makan daripada diinfus jadinya rewel dan malah ngga mau makan sama sekali. Faizi sudah berhenti makan bubur bayi di umurnya 9 bulan. Saya awalnya kasih dia blenderan meal gitu, ngga lama dia bosan. Akhirnya dia makan apa yang saya makan di umur 10 bulan, tentunya yang baby able to eat (nasi yang agak lembek dari biasanya).
Motorik halus. Dia bisa masukkin benda benda kecil ke dalam wadah, dikeluarin, kasih ke saya, saya kasih lagi ke dia, lalu dia masukkin lagi ke wadahnya. Tangan-tangan kecilnya begitu lincah bermain-main. Saat dia lihat kucing atau ayam, kebetulan dua hewan itu yang suka berkeliaran di sorrounding rumah, dia menunjuk ke arah hewan itu, lalu dia akan jentikkan jarinya seolah memanggil.
Nyanyi. Faizi suka ikut humming kalo saya nyanyi, apalagi lagu "topi saya bundar" dengan memegang kepalanya saat saya mulai teks "topi..saya..bundar". Lalu dia bertepuk tangan menandakan lagunya sudah selesai, (padahal sih baru satu kalimat). Saat saya nyanyi selamat ulang tahun, dia pun akan bertepuk tangan, as if he knows the song. Dan most of the nights, faizi hanya bisa tidur kalau saya nyanyi " nina bobo" dengan arransemen saya sendiri.
Makan Minum sendiri. Pada tahap beginner tentunya. Dia akan ambil nasi di piringnya, dia tiup-tiup lalu dia masukkin ke mulutnya. Sudah juga bisa pegang gelas bayinya dan dia minum. Sekarang malahan sedang belajar pegang botolnya sendiri. (saya belum sempat untuk mulai memberikan susu pake gelas). Yang paling gress adalah, makan biskuit sambil nonton tivi. Ayahnya bilang, sampai habis tiga kepingan.
Mengenali benda. Dia sudah tau sisir untuk di kepala, pulpen untuk corat coret, telepon ditempelkan ke kuping, mobil2an di jalan-jalaninnya di lantai, puk bedak di puk-pukin di lehernya, keypads handphone, keypads remote tivi dan ac, dia bisa tekan dan nyalakan, tombol lampu, matikan dan nyalakan juga.
Say no. Ini yang suka bikin gemes. saat diminta cium ayah atau ibunya, dia ngga mau. Menggeram, terus memalingkan wajahnya. Berontak saat diambil di rumah tetangga yang punya anak kecil tiga dan meja karambol yang suka dia dudukin.
Saat itu, saya sempat berasumsi dan berharap bahwa dia akan bisa berjalan di 11 bulan. Begitu juga dengan kemampuannya duduk seimbang, sudah dia lakukan di umur 6 bulan.
Kalau saya analisa, anak saya ini rupanya ingin mahir di satu bidang dulu baru bergerak ke tahapan selanjutnya. Waktu saya ngomong begini," faizi kayanya mau jadi "profesor merangkak" baru ambil "jurusan jalan",' hubby ketawa ngakak dan menit kemudian dia bilang, " sabar ya bu, kita ngga bisa samain faizi dengan anak-anak lainnya, faizi ya faizi, anak kita,"...my beloving husband...he's just being a very tolerant person to his son, (not to me ;>)...I actually not taking this problem into account. it's not fair. I will be also objected when people justified me from only one aspects. I am fully realize that too many other things faizi can do than he can't do.
Smiling. This is the best faizi can do for me. Senyuman pertamanya saat dia baru bangun, sambil tengkurap dengan wajahnya berhadapan denganku, bersender pada bantal. Ketawanya ketika dia kegelian, saat main ciluk baa, saat lihat selebriti bayi di tivi, saat ibunya berpura mengejar ngejar motor2annya, etc, etc...the greatest heal ever...
Makan. Makannya hebat, apa aja mau. Sayur sop, lengkap dengan buncis dan wortel serta ayam. Sayur bayam, nugget, tahu, corned beef, telur rebus, makaroni, abon, bubur ayam. dll. Semua yang saya masakin untuk dia pasti dimakannya. Bahkan saat dia sakit, dokter menyetujui permohonan saya, actually disertai pemaksaan dikit sih, untuk melepaskan infusannya karena saya kasih jaminan anak saya lebih tenang dan mau makan daripada diinfus jadinya rewel dan malah ngga mau makan sama sekali. Faizi sudah berhenti makan bubur bayi di umurnya 9 bulan. Saya awalnya kasih dia blenderan meal gitu, ngga lama dia bosan. Akhirnya dia makan apa yang saya makan di umur 10 bulan, tentunya yang baby able to eat (nasi yang agak lembek dari biasanya).
Motorik halus. Dia bisa masukkin benda benda kecil ke dalam wadah, dikeluarin, kasih ke saya, saya kasih lagi ke dia, lalu dia masukkin lagi ke wadahnya. Tangan-tangan kecilnya begitu lincah bermain-main. Saat dia lihat kucing atau ayam, kebetulan dua hewan itu yang suka berkeliaran di sorrounding rumah, dia menunjuk ke arah hewan itu, lalu dia akan jentikkan jarinya seolah memanggil.
Nyanyi. Faizi suka ikut humming kalo saya nyanyi, apalagi lagu "topi saya bundar" dengan memegang kepalanya saat saya mulai teks "topi..saya..bundar". Lalu dia bertepuk tangan menandakan lagunya sudah selesai, (padahal sih baru satu kalimat). Saat saya nyanyi selamat ulang tahun, dia pun akan bertepuk tangan, as if he knows the song. Dan most of the nights, faizi hanya bisa tidur kalau saya nyanyi " nina bobo" dengan arransemen saya sendiri.
Makan Minum sendiri. Pada tahap beginner tentunya. Dia akan ambil nasi di piringnya, dia tiup-tiup lalu dia masukkin ke mulutnya. Sudah juga bisa pegang gelas bayinya dan dia minum. Sekarang malahan sedang belajar pegang botolnya sendiri. (saya belum sempat untuk mulai memberikan susu pake gelas). Yang paling gress adalah, makan biskuit sambil nonton tivi. Ayahnya bilang, sampai habis tiga kepingan.
Mengenali benda. Dia sudah tau sisir untuk di kepala, pulpen untuk corat coret, telepon ditempelkan ke kuping, mobil2an di jalan-jalaninnya di lantai, puk bedak di puk-pukin di lehernya, keypads handphone, keypads remote tivi dan ac, dia bisa tekan dan nyalakan, tombol lampu, matikan dan nyalakan juga.
Say no. Ini yang suka bikin gemes. saat diminta cium ayah atau ibunya, dia ngga mau. Menggeram, terus memalingkan wajahnya. Berontak saat diambil di rumah tetangga yang punya anak kecil tiga dan meja karambol yang suka dia dudukin.
Dijauhkan dari benda-benda bahaya yang cenderung dia suka. Air, benda tajam, pecah belah, malahan pernah suatu kali, dia pegang lidi, dimasukkin ke bolongan tempat minyak nya kompor minyak tanah. ya ampuunn...gara-gara suka saya ajakin masak di dapur nih kayanya...
Dan masih banyak lagi....tunggu sambungannya..
Dan masih banyak lagi....tunggu sambungannya..
Average Life
I just have this chit chat with one of my bestfriends which then correlate to what happen just now to me. I told her, my chat friends, that I like average man. She's like having the storm in the day, asking "What? since when? why?"...Good, I can at least get her curiosity because she's the kind of girl that just never had the positive angle talking about love, spouse, marriage life, etc. I probably have no time to tell the world that I do like average man. Even my past life might not describing that, bu I do like them. Well, I have to admitt that this liking is getting higher in my marriage life, not to mention having an average husband. But dont get it wrong. When I said average, It doesnt mean bad. Wait until I define it. Average man is responsible, loyal, not womanizer, people tend to like, and the most important is, family man. I might not have the hangky pangky time with him, visiting night club, picnic every weekend, seeing friends all the time.. No, I did not do that now. But This is just fine with me. Peaceful life. What should I expect more?
People are busy shouting their friends "Get a life!"...What do they mean by that, usually they mean by "get an interesting life". Interesting, then, define as fluctuatif life. Hell no. It's not an interesting life for me. I am not a western lifestyle addicted. What is wrong with relaxing life, playing with izi in the grass of our front yard instead of bringing him to mall or playland of kids, watching tv with husband for the whole weekend and talking. This is life. An interesting life, you can say.
This average life with average man I have, then completed by my activity as anggota Persit. Why? Because then I will not be able to get higher position in my office now due to the impossibility for me to come home late, come office earlier; that will make me as average employee. I have to spend time also for my Persit activity but I can not be the superduper activist in this TN* wife organization, this will make me average anggota Persit. Haa...still want to say that being average is boring? think again. It's better for me to maintain my role in life in many aspects (even in average level) rather than I have to be in the highest position in one aspect.
People are busy shouting their friends "Get a life!"...What do they mean by that, usually they mean by "get an interesting life". Interesting, then, define as fluctuatif life. Hell no. It's not an interesting life for me. I am not a western lifestyle addicted. What is wrong with relaxing life, playing with izi in the grass of our front yard instead of bringing him to mall or playland of kids, watching tv with husband for the whole weekend and talking. This is life. An interesting life, you can say.
This average life with average man I have, then completed by my activity as anggota Persit. Why? Because then I will not be able to get higher position in my office now due to the impossibility for me to come home late, come office earlier; that will make me as average employee. I have to spend time also for my Persit activity but I can not be the superduper activist in this TN* wife organization, this will make me average anggota Persit. Haa...still want to say that being average is boring? think again. It's better for me to maintain my role in life in many aspects (even in average level) rather than I have to be in the highest position in one aspect.
Faizi Birthmarks
As my usual morning office activity, checking email comes first. Finishing check office email, start to check with my personal one. Good thing!! it's working, After reset my email preferences, I start to receiving email from my favourite mailinglist, sehat group. This, absolutely, will be my first email to check, follow by jobstreet in second position. Yes, i'm still looking for better jobs, like all of you, i'm sure...
And this mailing list is just great satisfying ever. I actually had no specific information to look for. But like they can read my mind, I find an article that I actually willing to read but the willingness is kept in the bottom of my list of lookforinformation. Oh God, love you smart parents...so much...It's about birth marks. My izi has it on his face.
Can you imagine? in his face...and it's not small one, the nutbrown color almost covering his left cheek and eyelid. Hubby and I had come to specialist referred by izi DSA, given an ointment that did not loose the marks. Specialists said that this has to be lasered, better in his third age to make it easier with izi cannotstandstill behave. Then, we never talked about it again, not until izi enough age to be lasered in the face...fuiiihh...why face...Talking about it just screwing our beautiful short moments with our lovely son. After all, izi is still a handsome son, cheerful, active, health, and all the people , neighbours, families, friends, just love him...so what the hell with the birthmark
That's why this is suprising to me. Cause from that moment until this morning, i never realize that birthmarks is not just birth_mark. That actually indicate something further, some of it correlate with neural things and whatsoever. Sorry, I haven't read all details, just copy it and print for hubby. From all the categories of the birthmark in the article, I can not assure which is my son is in. But, one thing for sure, I will start to really have a look, deep look over my son mark and try to think seriously on this.
What I want to write is that, just can't understand why the doctor did not tell me what is my son really has in the face, what is the dangerous, and all the details of it. Is he reluctant to share it with me cause he better spend times to withdraw another cash from other patients, since one words and one hour talking is cost the same? I might have the lucky things for my hubby can go to RSPAD with no cent at all for the laser and all the service but how about others? I am not the kind of social people, know..well..not anylonger, but this is just out of limitation of humanity, even for unsocial person like I do. Wish I had spend my anger in this writing and come home calmly to see my son smile, kiss him and hug my hubby...we have something to do after reading this article..thanks again sehatgroup.
And this mailing list is just great satisfying ever. I actually had no specific information to look for. But like they can read my mind, I find an article that I actually willing to read but the willingness is kept in the bottom of my list of lookforinformation. Oh God, love you smart parents...so much...It's about birth marks. My izi has it on his face.
Can you imagine? in his face...and it's not small one, the nutbrown color almost covering his left cheek and eyelid. Hubby and I had come to specialist referred by izi DSA, given an ointment that did not loose the marks. Specialists said that this has to be lasered, better in his third age to make it easier with izi cannotstandstill behave. Then, we never talked about it again, not until izi enough age to be lasered in the face...fuiiihh...why face...Talking about it just screwing our beautiful short moments with our lovely son. After all, izi is still a handsome son, cheerful, active, health, and all the people , neighbours, families, friends, just love him...so what the hell with the birthmark
That's why this is suprising to me. Cause from that moment until this morning, i never realize that birthmarks is not just birth_mark. That actually indicate something further, some of it correlate with neural things and whatsoever. Sorry, I haven't read all details, just copy it and print for hubby. From all the categories of the birthmark in the article, I can not assure which is my son is in. But, one thing for sure, I will start to really have a look, deep look over my son mark and try to think seriously on this.
What I want to write is that, just can't understand why the doctor did not tell me what is my son really has in the face, what is the dangerous, and all the details of it. Is he reluctant to share it with me cause he better spend times to withdraw another cash from other patients, since one words and one hour talking is cost the same? I might have the lucky things for my hubby can go to RSPAD with no cent at all for the laser and all the service but how about others? I am not the kind of social people, know..well..not anylonger, but this is just out of limitation of humanity, even for unsocial person like I do. Wish I had spend my anger in this writing and come home calmly to see my son smile, kiss him and hug my hubby...we have something to do after reading this article..thanks again sehatgroup.
Bye bye Susu Formula, welcome UHT
Awalnya, dorongan itu muncul karena ingin berhemat. Then after short list made of expenses in excell, I start to look over it and pick which item I can reduce the cost. Well, sebenernya ini bukan kali pertama saya lakukan hal ini. You know, new marriage who have so many things wish to have. I can say It's been my monthly activitiy. Tapi ada satu hal yang saya tidak pernah berani untuk reduce adalah cost untuk anak saya, faizi. No. Never. What kind of working mother I am? Memangnya saya cari uang untuk siapa? Belum lagi tatapan suami, yes..he doesn't need words, just a single glance will do..
Tapi, on this early month, May 2007, right after faizi first birthday, 4th of May, I had the brave to peeping on reducing faizi cost. His formula milk has been the biggest money spend. Then, mulailah saya searching di internet. Sampai kemudian saya menemukan banyak referensi, terutama dari tulisan Lita Mariana di Bananatalk blog tentang susu formula. OK, I'm positive. Pulang kantor, saya beli susu UHT merk U**r*, sebenernya sih mau cari yang dus ekcil, 250 ml, tapi cuma ada yang 1000ml, ngga apa apa deh, faizi ngga mau pun, saya bisa minum, pikir saya. and TO My SUrPrise...Faizi drink it. He doesnt have a rejection to his bottle nipple out of his mouth. Ya Allah...alhamdulillah...Satu perjuangan lagi, menunggu suami pulang, saya mencoba rileks untuk bisa menjawab pertanyaan2nya. ENtah ada apa sore itu, suamiku ngga mentap aneh, hanya bertanya, kok susunya ganti, bu?. Iya, kubilang. RIngkes kan yah, ngga usah nakar, ngaduk, dll. Trus faizinya juga suka. UNtungya, si faizi nih kompak, sambil tetep ngga mau lepasin botol dengan susu barunya, dia smile ke ayahnya. That's it. No but, no arguing, no nothing. Well, he didnt say agreement sih, but he act like he agreed. Besoknya, sore saya sampai rumah, berjejer susu UHT yang 1000 gr 3 dus. Ayah sudah ada di rumah, and He said, "Yang kemarin habis, itu ayah belikan lagi..."
Tapi, on this early month, May 2007, right after faizi first birthday, 4th of May, I had the brave to peeping on reducing faizi cost. His formula milk has been the biggest money spend. Then, mulailah saya searching di internet. Sampai kemudian saya menemukan banyak referensi, terutama dari tulisan Lita Mariana di Bananatalk blog tentang susu formula. OK, I'm positive. Pulang kantor, saya beli susu UHT merk U**r*, sebenernya sih mau cari yang dus ekcil, 250 ml, tapi cuma ada yang 1000ml, ngga apa apa deh, faizi ngga mau pun, saya bisa minum, pikir saya. and TO My SUrPrise...Faizi drink it. He doesnt have a rejection to his bottle nipple out of his mouth. Ya Allah...alhamdulillah...Satu perjuangan lagi, menunggu suami pulang, saya mencoba rileks untuk bisa menjawab pertanyaan2nya. ENtah ada apa sore itu, suamiku ngga mentap aneh, hanya bertanya, kok susunya ganti, bu?. Iya, kubilang. RIngkes kan yah, ngga usah nakar, ngaduk, dll. Trus faizinya juga suka. UNtungya, si faizi nih kompak, sambil tetep ngga mau lepasin botol dengan susu barunya, dia smile ke ayahnya. That's it. No but, no arguing, no nothing. Well, he didnt say agreement sih, but he act like he agreed. Besoknya, sore saya sampai rumah, berjejer susu UHT yang 1000 gr 3 dus. Ayah sudah ada di rumah, and He said, "Yang kemarin habis, itu ayah belikan lagi..."
First Posting
After being a lazy new mommy, I have decided to be more dilligent, a bit. Writing...writing about important things in life, son and husband. They worth it, to enjoy reading my writings about them. So, here I am. Its been two years in this coming 31 July of my marriage, as Ny. Faozan and one year on last 4th may of my roles of ibunya faizi. Think this is the only way for me to preserve my sanity, I had far away bestfriends and family, busy husband (but loving one), with so many beautiful story to tell to, about my life, faizi's life, everything. So it's not actually just, They worth it, I also worth this...Enjoy..As I will make the most of this for my joy
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