Empat hari sudah saya menghabiskan waktu di rumah karena liburan panjang. Menyenangkan campur melelahkan. Asisten rumah pulang kampung 3 hari, baru balik sabtu sore. Jadilah aku mengerjakan semua pekerjaan rumah sendirian selama dia ngga ada. Faizi sudah semakin banyak keinginan. Persis seperti info dari buletin update bulanan bayi dari situs terkenal di Amerika. Maunya melakukan hal dengan caranya. Ini akan sangat mempengaruhi kepercayaan dirinya karena si anak mulai memiliki keyakinan untuk membuat keputusan, which way he wanted to do. Very very very interesting, indeed. Makin besar, anak ini makin membuat saya menjadi ibu. Aneh rasanya. I never thought that I will feel the way I feel right now. Dulu kupikir, aku akan jadi wanita karir yang bisa seimbang dengan menjadi ibu rumah tangga. Seperti biasa, sok sok berteori. Tapi nyatanya, setelah semua terjadi, setelah faizi ada di rahimku, setelah dia menjadi semakin besar, I found out that, time is the most precious things he need from me which I also do not want to loose the time with him. Ngga bisa, teori quality time ngga ada. Ngga ada tanpa sebelumnya ada kuantitas yang mencukupi. How will I know faizi well without spends more time together? How will Faizi know that he is loved very very much by me? He will probably need me more in the next year and after, up to age 7 years, I will be his everything. And this four days has been strengthening this assumption.
I am pretty sure that I am not yet a best mom. Not yet. I still have to shape up the patient, the sensitivity, the creativity, the initiatie, and much much more a best mom will have as traits. I am probably not even close to that. All i have for my son is the biggest love in the world which I wish can be the start point to gain any other things required.
I got to have plan on this. I promise you son, that I will do my very best for you.
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Anything pops up in my brain window during my insanity..
